


The Sound of the Nightingale

by yukitsubute



Category: Kanjani8 (Band), KinKi Kids
Genre: Angst, Dark, Depression, Happy Ending, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:04:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/yukitsubute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Koichi comes into a special clinic he doesn’t want to believe that he is sick, but when he meets the young doctor Nishikido Ryo he slowly starts realizing that he has a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sound of the Nightingale

Dark fog spread around the ground. It wasn't raining any more, but the air was still wet. Some rain drops poured down from the trees around them. It was already autumn. The wind got fresh and it was time to wear warm clothes again.   
  
  
Koichi smiled at that. He loved the melancholic grey, cold, and dark days. It gave him the feeling that his mood was mirrored in the world around him.   
  
   
"We have to go." The voice behind him was almost silent. He knew his brother suffered because of him and what he was, but he couldn't change it. "Tsu?"   
  
   
"Hm?"   
  
   
"I am sorry." That was the only thing he could tell his brother. He couldn't explain why he ended up like this, and what exactly happened, but he could excuse for the way he was.   
  
   
"Don't be silly(,) Kou. It's okay. But please promise me to let them help you there." Tsuyoshi took his brother's bags and carried them to the car he had parked right in front of Koichi's apartment. They didn't live far away from each other. It was Tsuyoshi's wish to be close to his brother, especially after he got to know about his problems.   
  
   
"Sure." Koichi's nod was hardly visible. A small smile curled his lips. He was sure that no one could help him, and he would never - never - let someone interfere in his problems. His thoughts and problems were his and no one would be allowed to disturb him or to mess up his feelings. And in the end he was sure that everything wasn’t that bad at all. Maybe he had some problems, but it was nothing to worry about. But of course he couldn't tell his brother who did everything for him, no matter what it was.   
  
   
"It's a good place, really. Some of my friends were there. And I heard about the clinic when I was sick. I wanted to go there, but it's hard to get a place, " Tsuyoshi explained. He looked in the rearview mirror and watched his brother. He could see that Koichi was far away with his thoughts. "I know you don't want to go there, but it's for you."   
  
   
"How did you feel back then," Koichi suddenly asked.   
   
  
"The world stopped turning. It was like vacuum around me. I wasn't even able to breathe any more. A fire started burning and it didn't stop. I never wanted to go into the hospital. I felt like I wasn't ill, but in the end I realized that I was. It was the reason everything broke down around me." Tsuyoshi's sad smile curled his lips. Probably he was the only one who really understood his brother. He could feel what Koichi felt, even though their sickness wasn't exactly same. After their parents died they had to go their own way. A long torture started when they were given from one family to the other. They always had each other, and that was probably the reason both were still alive, but the past left wounds and bruises.   
  
   
"You know, the years in the orphanage, where only the other kids bullied us, were probably the best we had in childhood. The families we were in were..." Koichi stopped. He didn't want to think about the past, but no matter how hard he tried, the pictures were always popping up in his mind.   
   
  
He cried - alone in the corner of the room  
His brother was in the room next to him.  
He could hear him yelling in pain.   
He heard his foster father hitting him.   
He knew it was over when silence fell.   
Koichi's heartbeat was the only thing resounding in the room.  
He knew he was next.   
He heard the door open and closed his eyes.  
He started humming his favourite song to distract himself.  
  
   
When it got totally silent in the house Koichi sneaked into his brother's room and slipped into his bed. His body curled up as close as possible to the other one.   
  
   
"We can't turn back time," Tsuyoshi whispered. He looked at his brother properly. He was always thin, but the he never looked that pale and like a skeleton. He was annoyed because of himself. Why didn't he see the signs much earlier? Koichi hid more and more in his shell. He hardly went out any more and no one was able to reach him. Not even he as his beloved brother.   
   
  
"No. We can't." Koichi sighed. He looked out of the window. The landscape turned more and more from city life into an autumn-like landscape. He could see a big building farther away from where they were right now. "Is it this the one?" Koichi pointed at the house.   
  
   
"Yes. That's the best psychological department in whole Japan. They have the best doctors there." Tsuyoshi drove down along the asphalt street.   
  
   
"What am I doing there? I am not sick," Koichi murmured.   
  
  
"You are. And you need help. You need to learn to eat again, and you need to stop the pain you cause yourself." Tsuyoshi felt a cold shiver running down his spine when he thought about how he found his brother some weeks ago. He wanted to bring him something to eat, but no one opened the door. He knew that Koichi had to be at home, it was his free day after all. He knocked again, but nothing happened. He pulled out the key he had and walked into the apartment.   
   
  
He threw the things in his hands on the ground when he saw his brother lying on the ground, some blood dropping down his arms. His face was pale and almost snow white, but he had his eyes open. He stared at the ceiling. He didn't even see who entered the room right now. "Kou. God, what did you do?" Tsuyoshi knelt next to him, his hands shivering as he called the ambulance.   
  
   
"I don't feel any pain any more," Koichi said almost voiceless.   
  
   
"Don't talk now. You need to rest." Tsuyoshi pressed towels on the wounds, trying to stop them bleeding. Moments later the ambulance appeared and took Koichi with it.   
   
And now, three weeks later, Koichi was being forced to go to this special clinic. He didn't believe that they could make him feel better, but was doing it for his brother. He was sure that no one and nothing was able to take away the pain he felt. It was just impossible. Tsuyoshi parked the car right in front of the building and took out all of Koichi's stuff. " Come on. It's only for a few weeks."   
    
  
Koichi turned up his nose when he smelled the typical hospital scent. He hated it. More than everything else. He spent so many days in hospital while he was a child, he couldn't take it any more. And now he was called insane, mentally sick - and he knew he wasn't. They walked behind a nurse, following him until he stopped in front of a door.   
  
   
"It's a nice single room. You can see the lake and the forest out of the window. It's one of the most beautiful rooms here," the guy smiled at them.   
  
   
"Single jail. That's the better word use, doctor...." Koichi started.   
   
  
"Machida Shingo," the nurse bowed slightly. "But I am not a doctor. I am only the nurse. The doctor will come and visit you later." He smiled before he left them alone in Koichi's new home.   
   
  
"He seems to be nice," Tsuyoshi pointed at the door.   
  
   
"Mhm."   
  
   
"It won't be that bad." Tsuyoshi sat down on the small chair, which was standing right in front of the window. "It's really a nice view."    
  
   
"Yeah, sure." Koichi sorted his clothes and placed everything in the small drawer next to the bed. He wanted to flee, to run away. But he knew he had no choice. If he'd take it as it was maybe he could get out here soon.   
  
   
"I will visit you every day. I promise." Tsuyoshi felt some guilt rising up in him. He knew how much his brother hated such places and in the end it was his idea to send him there.   
  
   
"It's okay." Koichi sat down on the bed. It felt like the beginning of the end. He winced when someone knocked on the door and few seconds later a young man walked in.   
  
   
"Domoto Koichi-san?" The man looked from one to the other, until Koichi raised his hand.   
  
   
"Me. I am the patient."   
  
   
"I'm Nishikido Ryo. The doctor and psychologist on this floor. We will have therapy together." Ryo walked to the bed and took the file which was pinned at the bed's end. "You were released from hospital today and came here immediately?" Ryo saw Koichi nodding at him. "Good. You can take this day off. Look around the area and get used to this here. We will meet up tomorrow. I just wanted to introduce myself." The doctor bowed before he left the room again.   
  
“I am not interested in walking around.” Koichi placed the blanket over his body and buried his head in his pillow. Tsuyoshi had to smile about it. Sometimes his brother acted like a little child. He couldn’t even be mad about it, because it was cute.   
  
“Come on, Kou. We search for a coffee shop.” Tsuyoshi pulled on Koichi’s arm.   
  
“With cookies?” Koichi murmured into his pillow.   
  
“Sure.”   
  
Koichi always said this, even though he never ate a cookie. He hardly ate anything at all.   
  
He turned around in the bed and finally crawled out of it. In the end he knew his brother would kick him out there and he wouldn't let him stay there in his room.   
  
“Look. There is a little coffee shop between the trees. Looks nice, let’s go up there. I am inviting you.” Koichi rolled his eyes, but followed Tsuyoshi. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss his wish to be alone in his room, thinking about his problems.   
  
They sat down at a table right next to the wall. It was already windy and not that warm any more. So they searched for a place where hardly any wind was blowing. Koichi looked at the two men at the table next to them.   
  
He could see one of them had exactly the same symptoms he had. Even though the boy had a shirt with long sleeves and the pullover was really big, so he couldn’t see how thin he really was, Koichi knew the signs. He knew the face, the wrinkles on the forehead, which showed the feeling of being forced to eat something. “Kazuya, you are doing great. I am proud of you.” Koichi saw how the other guy stroked the boy’s cheek. “But I only ate two bites of the cake.” The boy looked sad.   
  
Koichi tilted his head a bit. He never felt guilty because he only ate a few bites. He didn’t understand the boy, but somehow he admired him. He seemed to fight against his problems. But he couldn’t understand how he managed it to find this spirit.   
  
“But you ate at least two bites.” The guy bent forward and placed a soft kiss on the other’s lips. Koichi could see the boy was deep in his thoughts. He knew the almost empty eyes. He was far away from this place, maybe he dreamed about a world he was healthy or, like Koichi did, about a place where everyone accepted how he was.   
  
He turned to look at the table in front of him. Of course his brother ordered something to eat for him. He felt angry. His hands fisted he stared at the cookie. “I don’t want something. Stop this.” He looked up. He knew his brother just cared about him, but he didn’t want it. He wasn’t sick, he was sure about it.   
  
“Let’s go back,” Tsuyoshi said a while later. He smiled at his brother who stared at him. Again he got annoyed. Why did everyone care about him? He didn’t ask for help. Just when he felt Tsuyoshi pulling on his arm, he stood up and followed him wordlessly.   
  
“The place is beautiful, right?” Tsuyoshi looked around. The leaves bent in the wind. It was a noise which calmed him down. “Right?” he said again, but Koichi wasn’t listening. Sometimes Tsuyoshi had the feeling that his brother behaved like a child. But no matter what he tried, he wasn’t able to change him. He was stubborn and thought he was always right, even though this meant that he suffered or hurt himself. He still thought he was right and everything was okay.   
  
“Kou? Can you please at least talk with me.”   
  
Koichi blinked at him. He shook his head a bit and turned to face his brother. “Sure, sorry.”   
  
“I said that this is a beautiful place.”   
  
“Yes it is.” Koichi lied. He hated it here. He would get out of this place as soon as possible – no matter what others would say.   
~~~~  
  
“It's not necessary to give him more medicine. He seems to be all right with the dose.” Koichi had his eyes still closed. It was his second day at this – for him – horrible place. He was sleeping, at least he pretended he was. He didn’t want to be asked how he was feeling, and he didn’t want to talk with this doctor.   
  
“How are you feeling, Domoto-san?” Koichi winced. How could the other know that he was awake?   
  
He sighed. He knew it was senseless. The doctor wouldn’t give in and let him alone. “Doctor Nishikido, good morning. I am okay – no, I feel perfect.”   
  
“That’s good. Let’s talk a little bit about you.” The doctor sat down next to the bed. He knew it was hard work to get close to a patient, but he wouldn’t give up until he helped the other.   
  
“I already said I feel perfect - so no need to analyse me,” Koichi returned. He didn’t care if he sounded like a stubborn child.   
  
“Okay,” The doctor just said. Koichi blinked at that. What happened here right now? No attempt to force him to talk? No No hundred questions he got asked? It was strange. Koichi scanned Nishikido-sensei, who noted something in Koichi’s file. There was something in Nishikido’s eyes, something Koichi knew quite well. A strange darkness sparkled between his friendly smile. There was a shadow around his eyes. Koichi could see it. It was a fading shadow, but it was still there.   
  
“Lunch will be in two hours. Don’t be late for that.” With that the doctor left the room.   
  
“Do not being late for lunch?” Koichi murmured. He had never seen a man like Nishikido-sensei before. The last doctor he talked to had forced him to admit all his problems and they wanted him to talk openly about everything which bothered him. In the end he was more closed than ever before.   
  
Koichi sighed. He stretched a bit before he jumped out of his bed. No matter how interesting this doctor was, he wouldn’t talk about anything concerning him. No one would manage breaking his wall He just had to make a plan to get out of here as soon as possible. He pulled on the curtains to let in some more light into his room.   
  
Koichi tilted his head. He saw the guy from yesterday sitting on the bench in the big garden towards the building. He really looked thin, even to Koichi. He looked down his own body. Did he look same? He scanned the boy’s hands, which were drawing something into a book on his lap. His fingers were slender, thin and like they were to break into pieces sooner or later.   
It was the first time he started comparing himself to someone else. He couldn’t say how he looked to others. For himself he was okay. He wasn’t terribly thin and in his opinion someone like him didn’t need to eat that much. He wasn’t tall and fat at all, so it was just normal to eat once in a while, wasn’t it? But this boy looked horrible. Koichi tilted his head from left to right, scanning the boy’s face.   
  
Dark rings under his eyes, some small(,) sad wrinkles around his lips. Koichi imagined how it would look like when the guy really smiled from the bottom of his heart. He looked like the blowing wind could carry him away from the bench he was sitting on.   
  
“Hey,” Koichi said. He didn’t know why he walked outside and was now sitting next to the boy. He wasn’t a talkative guy at all, but the boy somehow caught his attention.   
  
The boy looked up from his book. “Hey,” he answered. He was visibly confused about Koichi’s appearance. “Do we know each other?”   
  
“No. I am new here. I saw you from my window and yesterday in the coffee shop. So I just wanted to say hello.” Koichi wished he was back in his room. He wasn’t made to talk with others. Maybe he should accept it. He was a loner. He pointed at the small window which belonged to his room. He narrowed his eyes when he saw the doctor standing at the window one floor above his room. He smiled at him before he disappeared behind the curtain again.   
  
“Nice to meet you.” Koichi winced when he heard the guy talking with him.   
  
“Yes. Ahm…I am Domoto Koichi,” he finally added.   
  
“Kamenashi Kazuya. But everyone calls me Kame.” He bowed shortly. “You have the same problem I have?”   
  
Koichi winced at that. Was it visible? But he wasn’t sick, he was normal. He overcame his sickness, he wouldn’t try to kill himself any more, but everything else was no problem. He was healthy. “No, I hurt myself some time ago. Everything else is okay.”   
  
Kame scanned him properly before his lips turned into a sad smile. “I was same. I didn’t want to see it at the beginning,” he said.   
  
Koichi got angry. Why did everyone say he was sick when he obviously wasn’t. “No, I am okay, really.”   
  
“Sure.” Kame nodded at him. Koichi could see that he didn’t believe him, but he didn’t dare to say something about it.   
  
“How long have you been here?” Koichi tried to change the topic.   
  
“It’s the third time I have been here, but it’s the first time I am sure that I can make it.” Kame’s eyes were suddenly sparkling. The power and strength in them were amazing for Koichi. He asked himself if there was such a power in his face as well. Would he be able to fight like this boy obviously did?   
  
“Your boyfriend helps you with it, right?” Koichi asked further.   
  
Kame’s sparkling mixed with a big smile, which wasn’t the sad one any more. “Yes. He is my support.”   
When had he last said something like this? Of course there was his brother, who was always there for him, but he longed for something else. He wanted to experience this special feeling again.   
“He forced me to come here. It was hard. For me, but especially for him. I realized by now what it meant for everyone around me to deal with me. It must have been torture. I am far from being healthy again, but I am trying hard.” Koichi was impressed by the honest words. How was this boy able to talk that freely about his illness?   
  
“What are you drawing here?” He looked at the small lines in the book. He could see that Kame drawing portraits of some of the patients around here. The man he had drawn there there sat now on the other side of the garden, exactly like he was in the picture. “That’s amazing,” Koichi was stunned.  
  
“Thanks. I tried to find myself a hobby. Pi can’t be here every day, so I need to distract myself a bit.” Kame’s smile faded and Koichi could see that he wished to be with his boyfriend more often.   
  
“Lunch time!” They heard someone calling them.   
  
“Let’s go in there and fight again, right?” Kame said. He packed his things and waited until the other joined him. Koichi sat down next to Kame, who looked down at his plate. He sighed deeply. Koichi could see that he was fighting with himself.   
  
“Spaghetti – god, I can’t eat this,” Kame said. Koichi breathed in deeply. The scent almost made him throw up. He remembered some years ago. He was with his ex-lover in Okinawa. It was a small Italian-style restaurant they went to. Koichi enjoyed eating the spaghetti and other noodles there. Often they went twice a day to this place. But now? He couldn’t even think of tasting it. “You have to taste it.” A nurse stopped by at their table.   
  
“No thanks. I will eat some fruit later on,” Koichi lied. He knew that no one here was stupid. They all knew that he was lying, but he didn’t care about it. The nurse smiled at him before she walked to the next table.   
  
Koichi took the spoon and poked in the food. Even though he would eat normally, he was sure that he would never eat this meal. He wanted to say something when he saw how hard Kame tried to eat a few bites. He really started admiring this guy. He tried so hard to get back to a normal life again.   
  
When Koichi walked back to his room later on he already saw the shadow behind him. He knew that his behaviour during meal wouldn’t get ignored. “Sensei.” He stopped and bowed in front of the doctor.   
  
“Koichi-san.” Nishikido answered. “Let’s go back to your room. I have your fruit.”   
  
Koichi narrowed his eyes. He hated it being treated like a child. He just said thanks and took the apples and bananas with him. “I want to sleep now,” he added.   
  
“No way.” The doctor smiled. “I am going with you. We can eat together.”   
  
Koichi wanted to say something, but the other was already in his room. “You won’t give in, right?” Koichi sighed. He waited until Nishikido-sensei sat next to him.   
  
“Apple?” He said, offering Koichi the fruit.   
  
Koichi shook his head. “No thanks, I am not hungry.”   
  
“You know that you need to eat something, right?” The doctor twisted the apple in his hands, staring down at it absent mindedly.   
  
“I am eating, but not now,” Koichi answered. Of course he was eating, but not that much. Some cookies and a glass of water in the evening was enough for him. He wasn’t hungry, and why should he eat when he wasn’t hungry at all.   
  
“You know you could die if you continue with this?” Koichi saw the other’s eyes staring at him intensely. He froze. This sparkling and worried expression the doctor had, made shivers run down his spine.   
  
“I am not sick,” Koichi only answered. He got nervous when Nishkido-sensei was just looking at him, a sad smile around his lips.   
  
What did it feel like when the blood was running down your arm?" Koichi didn’t think that he’d ask this. Slowly he started to realize that the doctor wasn’t only someone who studied medicine. He knew what he was talking about, because he experienced it himself.   
  
“You can tell me as well, right?” Koichi asked. He didn’t believe that he’d get an answer, to his surprise the sensei pushed up his jacket’s sleeve. Koichi blinked. Various scars were spread over the whole arm. Some were fading away, but some would never disappear.   
  
“It’s a horrible feeling, but it satisfies you, right?” Nishikido-sensei stroked over his bruises. “To stop eating is relieving for you, because you have the feeling that you have to punish yourself for what happened in your past.”   
  
Koichi’s thoughts started spinning around. It was more like feeling caught. He was embarrassed because someone else was able to look deep inside his soul. Kame had stopped eating because he felt unloved and ugly, but he had other reasons for this. Slowly his opinion about being totally healthy faded away.   
  
“I am right, aren't I?” Nishikido smiled.   
  
“Yes, maybe.” Koichi gave an honest answer. Maybe it was the first time he had openly said what he felt. Not even his brother heard him like this.   
  
“Can you imagine talking about what burdens you?” Koichi looked up. He could drown in the darkness of the other’s eyes. When did he last feel something like this? This small fluttering in his stomach - deep inside. He shook his head. This idea was ridiculous. He swore he would never open up to someone else again. And besides this, Nishikido-sensei was his doctor.   
  
“I don’t know,” Koichi said. Again he was honest. He really had no idea if he was able to tell the other one about his past, about his fear, about his hopes.   
  
“Let me start, okay?” Nishikido-sensei rubbed a hand over his chin. Koichi could see that he was thinking about what to say. He was curious, but did he really want to know about the doctor’s life?   
  
“You want to tell me something about you?”   
  
“Yes, because then maybe you will realize that I do know what you feel and why you are as you are. I am not just someone who graduated from university and studied all these things with books. I know what I am talking about and I know the feelings of my patients for real,” he started. “I was a child when everything started. I lost my parents at the age of three and went to to an orphanage. Sometimes I wish I had stayed there. Maybe it would have been better to be there. The family I got to at the age of five hated me from the beginning I got scold for everything and they handled me like an animal. I slept outside in summer and in a barn in winter. It’s a wonder that I was able to survive. Their only real son “cared” about me. He brought me food and something to drink, but only if I did what he wanted me to do. I agreed, because I was terribly hungry. I didn’t care any more about sleeping with him. It got just normal for me. It was a hard time, but I was still alive. I ran away as soon as I was eighteen. But things didn’t become better. I had to fight for money and for a job. I found some friends who really cared about me. They helped me a lot, but nevertheless the hardest time started when I got the chance to study.” The doctor laughed sadly. A short silence appeared between them.   
  
Koichi could see that the other was fighting with himself. It was hard for him to talk again. Nishikido-sensei had his gaze lowered. He breathed in deeply before he looked up at Koichi again. “The pressure got to be too much. I had to learn everyday. It was a matter of being the best. Only the best students got the chance for a place somewhere in a hospital. I had no time for anything else. And the students started to work against each other until it ended in bullying each other. I tried to stand outside, which made me their favourite victim. They day where everything was too much for me came soon.” He stroked over the scars on his arm and smiled. “I started with this. It gave me the feeling that I was alive. The pain stopped the numbness I felt. With that I stopped eating. I had the feeling that I didn’t need to eat anything. It was like the feelings of being hungry let me feel alive. Like the pain I caused myself.”   
  
After some moments Koichi started being nervous. Should he say something or should he wait until the other started talking again. “How did you get out there?” In the end he didn’t wait and asked the doctor.   
  
“I was lucky. I got a tutor who helped me out of this vicious circle. He was the one who brought me here.”   
  
“Who let you work here?”   
  
“No. Who brought me here as a patient first.” Koichi didn't expect that, even though he knew that it was hardly possibly to get out of this without any help.   
  
“How did you manage to become a doctor?” Koichi wanted to know.   
  
“Oh, that’s easy. Maybe I'm not a doctor.” With that he stood up and walked up to the door.   
  
“What? Nishikido-san?”   
  
“Call me Ryo, okay?” he turned around and smiled at Koichi.   
  
~~~  
  
Days passed and Koichi didn’t see Ryo anywhere around. He couldn’t believe that he wasn’t a doctor here. He has seen him with the white coat and the nurses around him. “Sorry, Matsusaki-san, can you tell me where Nishikido-sensei is?”   
  
The nurse tilted his head a bit. Koichi could see that he didn’t know what to say. “He is in the room next to yours. Listen, he helps a lot here, even though is not really a doctor.”   
  
Koichi’s heart started beating faster. What did that mean? Ryo had lied to him? He was only a patient here? “Thanks.” He said and stood up after the nurse was done with some tests.   
  
Koichi knocked on Ryo’s door and waited. When he heard a quiet “yes” on the other side, he opened the door and slipped into the room. “I am sorry for lying.” Ryo bowed. “I really didn’t want to do something bad.”   
  
“It’s my turn to tell you about myself, right?” Koichi didn’t react to Ryo’s words. He trusted this guy, even though he didn’t know him. Somehow Koichi felt a warm feeling spreading through him when he talked with him.   
  
“You want to tell me about your story?” Ryo was visibly astonished. “After you got to know the truth?”   
  
“Yes, but tell me one thing.” Koichi looked directly at him now. “Why are you still here? Are you still sick?”   
  
Ryo smiled a bit. “No, not really. I will get out of here in one month. But I don’t want to go. I love working with the patients, even though I maybe have no right to do so. I know I never graduated because I got sick, but I wanted it so badly. I started talking with others here, and soon I had the chance to really help them, because I understood their feelings. Step by step I came out of my painful situation and the real doctors around here appreciated my work, because the patients felt better afterwards. It was me who made Kame start eating again. I never wanted to do something bad, but I wanted to help.” It sounded honest to Koichi.   
  
“Okay, I will tell you my story.” He sat down and breathed in deeply before he started talking “It started as a child. My brother and I were also in an orphanage. We got bullied and even though I always had him by my side I started feeling bad. When we got into a family we got punished for everything, we got hit and slapped by the father. He took what he wanted, he used us. I clung to my brother and I still do, but times changed. My brother was always the stronger one of us, but he got sick before me. I couldn’t carry everything alone any more. I know it’s not his fault, because he always tried to do everything for us.” Koichi sighed. “But I slipped into something really bad. I started destroying myself. The pain became my best friend. And the food was and is my enemy.” Koichi stopped there. He could see that Ryo exactly knew what he meant. He was glad that the other wasn’t the doctor any more, but someone who felt same as he did, but who had fought against it much better than he did. Everything around him was still grey, but a tiny light flamed in him.   
  
“I am sorry for you, Domoto-san,” Ryo said when the other one was done.   
  
“Please call me Koichi.”   
  
“Okay, Koichi-kun.” Ryo bowed. He smiled at the other when he saw the small sparkle in Koichi’s eyes. He could swear that it wasn’t there one hour ago.   
~~~  
Weeks passed, and Koichi learned to live with the fact that he was in this hospital. Since he was meeting with Ryo he didn’t feel the need to run away from this place immediately. But he wished to get out there as soon as possible. He wanted to sort out his life, he wanted to become healthy again. Sometimes he had to smile about his own thoughts. Some time ago he hadn't even wanted to admit that he was sick, but now he had become more open. And all the people around him gave him the feeling that it wasn't that bad to admit this.   
  
“C’mon Koichi, you make it.” Ryo sat next to him, his hand brushing Koichi’s shoulder to encourage him. Koichi stared at his plate. He couldn’t eat any more, but he knew he needed to. He took the rest of the croissant in his mouth and swallowed it. He smiled like a child on Christmas. It was the first time in months he was able to eat a whole breakfast. “Did you see this? I ate everything. And I don’t feel sick,” he said. Of course it was only the beginning, because there were days where he ate almost nothing, and there were some where he was able to eat almost like a _normal_ guy.   
  
“I am proud of you, really,” Ryo said.   
  
They sat together almost every day. Koichi learned to open up, to talk to him about his fears and dreams. One day he asked Ryo _Is it okay for me to have dreams?_. He couldn’t say if Ryo was astonished or amused or confused by this question. _Of course it is, why do you think it isn’t?_ he had answered. Koichi leaned back to look up into the sky. _I don’t know, maybe because I stopped dreaming long ago, but with every day my dreams start coming back._ Koichi’s smile grew bigger and bigger. He knew he’d be at this place for some more time, but now it wasn’t that bad anymore (any more).   
  
Koichi’s mobile was ringing and pulled him out of his thoughts. “Oh, Tsu.”

  
_“Kou, how are you doing?”_

  
“You were here one hour ago.”

  
_Oh, yes…you know, I am not used that you being full of energy like you were today._

  
“I promise that’s not because of meds, I am really feeling good.”

  
_I am glad to hear that._

  
“Tsu?”

  
_”Hm?”_

  
“Thanks for everything. For being there every time I needed you.”

  
_”Hey, you are my brother.”_

  
Koichi smiled when he hung up. He knew he had to thank his brother for everything he did for him, even though he didn’t want to listen to him.

  
  
“I really want to get out of this.” Koichi turned around to face Ryo, who was sitting next to him.

  
  
“You’ll make it.” He smiled at Koichi, brushing his fingers over the other one’s cheek. “I am sure about it.”

  
  
“No, we will make it.” Koichi took the other’s hand in his, smiling at their entwined fingers.


End file.
